Jambo from Kenya! After a series of three arduous flights — 6, 7, and 8 hours each — we finally arrived in the capital city of Nairobi (aka birthplace of Obama). A quick cab ride later we arrived at the charming (“charming”) Hotel Embassy, where we ate a freshly prepared hot meal of beef stew and chapati which did hit the spot. Our room, on the other hand, did not. Three beds, two mosquito nets. Do the math and that’s a recipe for malaria. We were then woken up in the middle of the night by obnoxiously loud street people who sounded like they were standing outside our window. Luckily we were there for less than 12 hours total. More importantly, our safari would start the next day.

My Nemesis

Yup, Kenya has squat toilets. And I’ll be honest…these are no friend to Amir. They smell, they’re dirty, and let’s be honest, peoples…my scrawny legs aren’t nearly strong enough to support me. Luckily, this may provide the only exercise I get on the entire trip.

We were picked up bright and early for our safari, but little did we know that to get from Nairobi to the Masai Mara it would be a 6-hour drive. A painful one that would involve a road so unbearably rocky that it caused several other vans to break down and our backs to require chiropractors. We were thrown around like rag dolls endlessly but finally arrived at Masai Mara national park, a 16000 square kilometer game reserve with all the wildlife you can imagine. It was a scenic and very expansive area with animals roaming freely in large packs (incidentally, a group of giraffes is known as a “grumble” of giraffes).

We spent all our days in this remarkably rugged van with a removable roof that allowed us to stand up for better views:

Some of my favorite animals: giraffe, zebra, and warthog.

We were treated to a beautiful sunset our first night in the Masai Mara:

Big 5
Every visitor embarking on an African safari hopes to catch sight of the “Big 5″ animals: the water buffalo, elephant, rhino, leopard, and lion. We lucked out and saw all almost immediately. Water buffalos and elephants were monstrous and potentially deadly beasts, yet slow moving and gentle. The rhino was massive but unfortunately a bit too far away from us to appreciate fully. The lions and leopards were truly beautiful and majestic animals, and it was breathtaking to see them roaming around in their natural habitat.

We lucked out and also witnessed the Obese 3:

Wildebeest Migration
Wildebeest are unattractive cow-like animals that migrate in a group of over one million in pursuit of food. The migration lasts nine months, tours much of Kenya, and finally ends up in Masai Mara in September, hence the motivation for our safari trip at this location at this time.

We came across them as they encountered the Mara river…the hippo and crocodile infested Mara river. The wildebeest stood there for hours like idiots debating whether to cross (“you go first, no you go, no you go”)…and like bigger idiots we parked our van there and waited forever for them to cross. Thankfully they finally made up their mind and crossed the river. Fortunately for them, none were attacked. Unfortunately for us, none were attacked.

Leonard
I cannot describe our safari without mentioning our driver and guide, Leonard. A curious guy he was. On the one hand he was incredibly knowledgeable based on his 16 years of experience. He was also a skilled driver who knew exactly where to drive us to get the best views of the more difficult-to-find animals; while other drivers would crowd around a lion walking, Leonard would aggressively race ahead off-road and deliver us to an empty area, only to have the lion stroll over a few minutes later where we had him all to ourselves.

But socially, Leonard was something special. Perhaps that same 16 years of experience made him lose enthusiasm, but he had little interest in talking to us. Rarely would a “good morning” or “bye” come from his mouth, and also we had to ask him any question three times before he’d even consider looking at us. And when he did it would either be with angry and irrelevant responses (us: “why do wildebeests form those groups?”, Leonard: “THERE ARE 40-50 WILDEBEEST IN A GROUP, OK?!”) … or with the least detail possible (us: “why are the wildebeest taking so long to decide to cross the river?”, Leonard: “animals”) … to exquisite detail (us: “what is an elephant?”, Leonard: “elephants roam the Masai Mara, which is 16485.3 sq km, and they live 50-80 years and have a gestation period of 2 years”).

Here is Leonard being Leonard…avoiding us. While talking on his tablet/cell phone. With an annoying Black Eyed Peas ringtone:

Jambo again, this time from Zanzibar! Zanzibar is a small island off the coast of Tanzania surrounded by lovely turquoise waters and full of the whitest sand beaches. We couldn’t have chosen a more ideal place to stay after our safari, as our last 24 hours of Nairobi were completely devoid of sleep, hygiene, showers, and hotel rooms with lights that actually turn off. We also wasted 3 hours in a live comedy show that was supposedly in English but ended up being only in Swahili. On the bright side, my face may be on a Kenyan TV show soon. We arrived at an empty Nairobi airport at 5am for our 8am flight just to escape the loud hell that was the Hotel Embassy, but once we landed in Zanzibar and felt the warm air blow across our faces, it was all worth it.

Kendwa Rocks
We are staying on Kendwa beach at the idyllic Kendwa Rocks resort, an oasis of luxury on this until-now dirty vacation. Our room features a balcony with lounge chairs that overlooks the beach just a few hundred feet away, there is instant hot water, western style toilets, air conditioning, and wifi (however slow). There is no need to leave the resort since there’s a restaurant and bar here as well as an office that organizes any activity you want.

Here is the view from our awesome room:

The beach is even more amazing from the water:

I’d show pictures of what we do all day but it’d only be pictures of us lounging on the beach with the occasional waking up to eat a meal or take a stroll.

We went on a snorkeling trip one day and enjoyed lots of pretty tropical fish and coral, including my favorite combo of clownfish and anemone. Unfortunately the boat forgot about us and left us in the water for an extra 45 minutes. Punks.

Out of Africa
It seems we can’t leave any city on this trip without being subjected to mild torture. The ferry ride from Zanzibar to the Tanzanian capital of Dar es Salaam wasn’t pleasant either. We were hoping the extra money we paid for the “fast ferry” would provide us a smooth ride but our trip was anything but. We were subjected to two hours of super choppy waters, people vomiting left and right, and a ceiling air conditioner that dumped water on us every few minutes. And at one point I stepped outside for a breath of fresh air and realized I was standing next to this:

That’s right…a coffin. I was kicking it with a dead guy. At least his ride was probably more peaceful than mine. Rest in peace, nameless man.

This is a short 1-minute video I made featuring the highlights of our recent African safari. If I never see a wildebeest again it’ll be too soon!